Police artist sketch based upon eyewitness reports.
Assorted links:
News-ish Stuff
The new Absolute FreeBSD is now shipping!
My short story "Opening the Eye" is in the Horror Library, Vol. 2 anthology. I'm not just recommending it because I have a story in it, but because it's a really good book.
Current projects
What's next? I'm currently writing short fiction and a novel. I've written several before, but I've become a better writer since then. After that, I have several tech writing projects on the back burner. I can't publicly announce them yet, however.
Black Helicopters Information
If you want information on black helicopters, be sure to check out the Register's Google Earth survey.
Why you shouldn't send me email
If you're interested in contacting me, you can send me email. The people most likely to be reading this can almost certainly infer my email address from the URL. Let me make a comment before you write, however: I almost never answer email. In fact, I'll go stronger than that: email sent to me sits in my inbox for months before I consider answering it. The phrase "Horrible Black Void" comes to mind, although I don't deliberately discard non-spam mail unread.
Why? Every single word I put in an email is a word that isn't in a book. I could go into a long discussion about why this is, but Neal Stephenson has saved me the trouble, and in a far more eloquent manner than I would probably use. Note that in a stunning coincidence, this web page looks like warmed-over moose snot for exactly the same reason his page does. I encourage you to read his nicely short Why I am a Bad Correspondent article.
Please do not be offended by my failure to answer mail. Not answering your email is not a sign that I hate you, or that I think that you suck. (I might very well hate you, mind you, but don't use my ignoring your email as evidence of that!) You can read what I have to say elsewhere, and I can say nothing in email to add anything to it. If it's worth saying, I'll publish it in one public format or another. If it's not worth saying, it's not worth saying in any format, including email.
If you want to discuss a business matter, you probably need to speak with my publisher or my employer.
If you want to have a conversation with me, look down a little further.
If you really want a secure conversation with me, you can always use my OpenPGP public key, also available from subkeys.pgp.net and keyserver.pgp.com. I promise not to delete your email unread, unless I mistake it for spam.
Google is not the complete answer to all things in life. I find that when I'm looking for something that is obscure or original, and search for a long time trying to find it, I do better by posting the question here and waiting. Eventually, someone sends me an email with the answer.
So, in that spirit, here are a couple things I'm looking for.
OK, my list is down to one item. So, if you're aware of such things, please let me know. Thanks!
Hiring Me to Consult
People keep asking if I'm available to consult on some problem I've written on. It's true that it's nice to make a few extra bucks on the side. It's also true that I don't have the time to do extra jobs properly unless the compensation is sufficient to seize and hold my attention.
In short, I would rather write than consult. I will discourage you from hiring me as a consultant in two ways:
First, by referral. I have trained several people who do freelance network/sysadmin/security work in a manner up to my standards. As they're actually interested in getting clients and doing the work, they'll probably do a better job than I will.
Second, financially. If you absolutely, positively must
have my time and attention, and nobody else will suffice, I
will make a final, desperate attempt to discourage you by quoting an
hourly rate I can only describe as "an obscene amount of money." I
have extremely high standards for money -- and, come to think of it,
for obscenity. I will bill you for travel time. I will bill you for
time spent in the shower thinking about your problem. You'll get a
solution, though. You have been warned.
personal
My wife and I live near Detroit, Michigan. We have pet rats. I
make my living as a consultant and author, practice martial arts, and pontificate
at great length about how both American political parties are utterly
out of touch with the average US citizen's life and totally
disinterested in their needs. My darling wife commissioned the lovely
portrait that appears at the top of the page and plays with extremely
hot fires and molten glass at every opportunity.
Professionally, I use the name "Michael W. Lucas." (Tacking the
"Jr." on the end is fine, but unnecessary.) Why? Well, there are
several authors named "Michael Lucas" or "Mike Lucas." Most of them
have written books that I haven't written, or are experts in fields
that I know nothing about, and I have no desire to be confused with
them. The middle initial provides a byte of differentiation. I also
have no desire to be confused with the owner of michaellucas.com. (No
link is provided, because if any of my family were to click on that
they would faint dead away.) I'm not a movie star -- although, in
this case, I find a certain irony in being an expert in something
pronounced "eunuchs."
I work for GKN Driveline
in Auburn Hills, Michigan, as network engineer for their primary
Western Hemisphere center. I'm traveling the world, seeing places I
could never see on my own, and have a chance to implement some of my
ideas on a bigger scale than I ever imagined. So far they're letting
me get away with it, but I expect they'll come to their senses before
long.
You might be looking for one of the following:
Nonexistent Books
After Cisco Routers for the Desperate came out, I said
several times in public that I would be writing a followup called
LDAP for the Damned. This was a joke. Please do not ask me
when L4tD is coming out, there is no such book. The damned aren't
allowed hope, sorry.
If this doesn't help you, go ask Google.
If you're wondering about me personally, well, you're going to have
to infer what you can out of the below.
A Typical Conversation between Me and
Someone Over the Net By reading the below, you can save yourself the trouble of waiting
for a reply email that will never arrive. If, of course, you have
something different to say, please feel free to drop me a line! If I
hear it often enough, I'll add it to the list. You see, the world is full of things I would love to write books
about. I can't write about all of them. My problem is not shortage
of ideas, but shortage of time. I am not a full-time author. I can
make enough writing to live on, but I cannot make enough to afford
health insurance for myself and my family. Should my wife and I
finally decide to leave the US for a country with a sane health care
system, I'l re-evaluate.
Me: Thank you, I appreciate it. It's awesome to know that
my work helps other people. That thought is what keeps me going.
Me: Probably not.
Me: Perhaps. I don't charge a speaking fee, but I do need
payment for expenses: lodging, food, and travel. I'm not going to fly
to the middle of nowhere to talk at some group meeting unless I can
break even on the thing.
At this point, people generally give up and go away. And since I've had this conversation many times, that's just fine with me.
Amazon.com lists a copy of my very early game supplement Believe it or Else! (cowritten with the inimitable Lawrence Kapture) for $149.98. The original sold for a tenth of that. Apparently, I'm now some sort of cult figure. Wow. Where are all my hordes of willing minions?
copyright 2003-2006 Michael W Lucas Jr. All rights reserved